Rings & Things

So, the Captain proposed to me on his birthday, October the 1st, and I said yes. When I asked why he chose his birthday, he said that it would be the best birthday present he could ever hope for.

No details, no date set yet, but May 1st is being tossed around.

Hard to believe it's been ten months (funny how I didn't realize that but my ex-husband knew it down to the day) and I've agreed to marry a guy I still only see 2 or 3 times a week.

Hard to believe that he lived less than 5 miles from me for over a year and I had to meet him on the Interweb.

The hardest part is going to be letting him be the man. That's going to be a big adjustment, I've gotten very used to taking care of everything and giving up total control will be very hard. I don't have a lot of practice making joint decisions and letting someone else help.

Onwards and upwards...

MeMeMe

I know I have been MIA, but I have loads to catch up on !!!! At work now, but will be posting soon.
heading to a singles event tonight with 2 of the chicks on here. Dear lord with 80 people attending just a few normal cute boys please......
So one of my POF freaks resurfaced on my yahoo. he is STILL a freak....
Am I interested in watching him wack off................ Well NO, that seems to serve no purpose for me or my needs, have a nice day !!!

How nature says "Do not touch"

Apparently I rock a blue cardigan, because I got hit on in Starbucks this morning. It was way more crowded than usual, so I had to wait in line, and I noticed this guy notice me. If I was single, I may have been interested, but I didn't put out any signals. So I'm paying and stuffing my change back in my wallet and he suddenly comes around the coffee display holding out his hands. I just sort of look at him and he says "I was sort of hoping you'd drop some and I could catch it." I just smiled and said that I didn't have that much to drop. he asked what I was getting and I told him my usual cinnamon dolce latte and he says "Oh, fancy!" I looked at the girl behind the counter and she rolled her eyes. I'm politely smiling and not making eye contact and he just isn't getting it. He asks if I always get that and I said yes, even with all the calories. He laughed and did whatever VP types do to their coffee while they wait to pounce.

He wasn't bad looking, don't get me wrong, but he looked like one of those generic corporate VP types with a perfectly starched blue shirt with a very subdued windowpane plaid, khaki slacks, and the perfectly coiffed hair. Tanned, stout, probably plays a lot of golf. Divorced because the kids went off to college, or because he liked the strippers a little too much. Plus, he's got a copy of the Washington Post on his table. Not someone I'd have a lot in common with, probably.

So after I got my coffee I'm walking to the door, he winds up beside me and holds the door open for me, and I said thank you, and went to walk away, and by this point I'm thinking dude, you're not getting anywhere with this, but you get an A for effort. He asks if I always come to this Starbucks, and I just turned around and said, "I'm on a first name basis with my shrink and I belong to the National Rifle Association. Have a great day!"

He let me go willingly. Remember that the next time you meet Mr Creepy.

dating

I am very clear in my profile what I am looking for as NOT looking for. I want long term, kids, faithful... dud. i want someone my age, don't like beards, not into interacial dating.... Sooooooooooo do any of you guys think the guy below actually READ my profile before he wrote me, or wanna bet he looed at the pics...
also, for those of you know who know what i do for a living I have NO fingernails hahahaha


Hello,

I live in North Texas, but I start and end all of my trips in Atlanta, Georgia.

Being that I am an Airline Pilot I travel a lot.

I have a college degree and work in a very exciting/professional career field.

I am 37 years old.

I am not single and have no intentions of changing that aspect in my life. If this is a problem you can stop reading and I thank you for your time.

No Home Wreckers, No Money Seekers, OR Sugar Daddy seekers!! I am not your guy.

I am looking for someone that I can carry on a good conversation with and someone who has a good sense of humor. I am very laid back and easy going.

I have no preset notions and want to start out by talking as friends and go from there.

I joined POF in August of 2008. Why am I on here if I am Not Single/ Not Looking? If we happen to have a good conversation we can talk about my reason at a later time.

I am not looking to jump in the sack with just anyone. In my opinion there needs to be more there in the chemistry department if you really want to enjoy that aspect between two people anyway, should we even decide to go there.

I am drug and disease free and I would prefer the same of you.

I am a very clean person and take showers at least twice if not three times a day. I shave my head by choice, but should I decide to grow hair it is brown. I am height and weight proportionate.

My schedule varies every month and I usually know it a month in advance.

I have all my teeth and I have very good hygiene. I ask for you to have the same. Good hygiene is very important to me.

I am a hands person and I love elegant hands on a lady. I like someone who takes care of herself and gets her nails done, but no bear claws. Someone that has natural length nails that are done right. Think like in the palmolive commercial. I like hands that are feminine and are well taken care of.

Discreetness is a must and again I am not looking to ruin any situation your currently involved in or vice versa.

We can talk and hopefully become friends. If we get a chance possibly we can Hang out and just see what happens.

Please get in touch with me if you are interested and we can start talking. I have more pictures that I can share if we start communicating more.

Thank you.

First Date
We would be comfortable before meeting and then possibly we can meet for drinks. The rest of the date will be up to us. No Pressure and as stated above I am very laid back and easy going.

My luck...

Super cute guy I was supposed to meet out for coffee tomorrow night had to postpone...
Was spraying the Wasps nest in his shutters and "one flew out at my face" he didn't say it, but I think he got stung and doesn't want to meet all swelled up, which I can't blame ....
But he also fell off the ladder. No broken bones boy bruised up. Hopefully we reschedule next week!!

And loser honorable mention !! Was supposed to meet a guy out for Thai food this past Friday.......... he has asked me earlier in the week if " iwanted to come over and make out on the sofa chuckle chuckle" I declines having not even spoken to much less met this man. So when I sent an email to confirm on Thurs. I had been blocked.... Not even mad or bothered, Glad none of my time waas wasted and got thai food on my own.

Now I like to make out as much as the next girl, but you hadn't even bothered to call me yet !!! LOSER

I just don't understand !!!

ok, I just don't understand it, and if any of you can give me an explanation I will gladly listen.
First let it be know, I do not "sleep around" as Kelly Clarkson says ' I do not hook up" At 41 years old, I can count on both hands and a few toes how many men i have slept with. So the following events are not my "style' by any means.

I met A online, attraction at first sight !!! Our first meeting was me going over to his house and hanging with him and his daughter, who is awesome. Yes I know.... meeting the child the first time you met him?? WTH. But she is with him 90% of the time so in this situation it was if you are dating him, you are dating them.
Now all of you know I want to get married and have kids, so this actually does not bother me in the least....... We had a great day, I went home.
2nd date................ long story short, I spend the night............. iknow, prob not smart. But there was total chemistry. I am 41 he is 48, we are grown ups.
Tells me as i am leaving he totally wants to see me next weekend.
3rd Date. Once again great time. Next morning he is making me coffee and waffles and talking about getting my goddaughters and his daughter together for a playdate soon. All going merrily along right !!!!!

Monday comes and by IM----- I am told "we have to talk, it is not you, its me. I can't do this. I don't see you as long term........" WTF just happened?????? Someone PLEASE tell me!!!!!!!!
if I was just a HOOKUP, I doubt he would have told me the magnatude of personal information about himself, and was willing to leave me alone in his house while he went to the store.
Anyone help with this??????

7 months

I've been dating the Captain for 7 months and I have to say, I'm no closer to wanting to live with anyone or get married than I was before we started dating. As much as I love him and love being with him, I am still really attached to my own autonomy.

Which makes good sense considering he's "comittment-phobic" anyway. He talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk. I'm not planning on going anywhere since we're still having a good time, but never, ever let anyone tell you that men aren't as moody as women are.

hmmmmmm and they resurface again.....

my chiropractor hookup has seemed to resurfaced..............................

here we go again

well cupcake didn't work out as planned so let the blogging begin again.....
Sorry I have been MIA, but the was a pretty hard hit when it didn't work out !!!
ME

Cupcakes

Odd as it may sound, I am offically "smitten" by someone I have not even met yet !!! And funny enough, per texting this morning, he seems to feel the same.
Guess 9 hours on the phone in 48 hours tells ya something.....
For the moment the nickname is Cupcake or if "someone" else on this board who is giddy and quite proud of her self decided to post, "Mr Cake"

Everyone is now being instructed to keep your fingers crossed damnit !!!

Some people collect stamps...

So as of last night, I am now up to FOUR different men (all met online of course) who have sent me completely unsolicited pictures of their..um..equipment.

Shall I start a scrapbook? Set a goal for the year?

The latest entry is disturbing to say the least - cute guy (if the pictures are actually him), but of a size I cannot even believe! I would run for my life if I encountered it in real life - seriously, I'm talking the size of a small child's arm! Now of course I'm going to have to interview him further about this (he called me last night but sent the picture after we hung up)...I'll report back with the stats! Ha ha

WTF indeed!!!

So..here's what just went down with POF contestant #1 - I am shaking -

Jeff, 38 - cute and seemed somewhat normal (clearly I was wrong!). Contacted me several times, we have talked on the phone at length the last two nights and were planning to possibly meet this weekend.

I got back to my hotel from dinner and was checking email, POF, etc. - he saw that I was on here and wrote the following -

"Best of luck hope u find what u are looking for. I think maybe you are just to busy and I find it hard to trust someone who lives in another state makes it easyer to cheat. I dont think I could date someone and only see then 1 day a week."

So I wrote him back, said I was sorry he felt that way having never even met me, that I am actually pretty honest and have integrity, etc.

He then wrote back, basically called me a whore - said if I were truly interested I would have called him instead of logging onto POF, etc. When I tried to write back he had blocked me!
His headline now reads "No whores be honest!!!", which is apparently a tribute to me.

WMJ - he goes into the same hall of fame as the Hungarian!!! I didn't realize I was supposed to change my entire life and cut off all contact with other men based on two phone conversations.

The good news? I clearly dodged a major bullet here...can we say CRAZY????

I propose a vote:

Everyone who thinks WMJ should change the name of this blog from Dating...UGH to Dating...WTF?, chime in!!

Casting a wider net...

At the suggestion of WMJ, I recently decided to give P.O.F. a try. So far a big response, which is great, but naturally a bit more weeding is necessary.

In no particular order, here are my thoughts (although these can really apply to any of the sites) -

• If you have to mention that you LOVE sports / are super athletic / are super fit over and over in your profile, WHY on earth would you want to date me, the queen of un-athleticism?
• On a similar note, being "fit" is all well and good, but if you look like you could bench press me, spend more than an hour a day in the gym, or have pictures on your profile displaying your "guns" to their best angle, two words - no thanks
• If you approached me on Yahoo or Match and I didn't respond, guess what? I have a memory, and chances are pretty good I'm not going to suddenly like you on P.O.F.!
• If you know me / have dated me in the past and see my profile on P.O.F., that does not necessarily obligate you to email me and point out the obvious ("hey, you're online dating!") - sometimes it's better to leave that whole "small world" thing alone!

All in all, a few worthy contenders - more on that soon......

A final note - some of you may have doubted my self-esteem preserving strategy of NOT proactively contacting any men on these sites (I only field incoming offers) - well, I broke my own rule the other day on match. I sent what I thought were cute, witty emails to two guys with very funny profiles. And of course they both looked at my profile and passed. Sigh. Probably out there looking for Asian / Latin / Brazilian Barbie of some variety...so I'm back to Plan A.

The Impromptu Guide for Filtering Online Dating Candidates

Sure, it's picky, sure you might skip a few guys over because of it, but it's what found me Doodlepants.

1) If you email me, you'd better reference something in my profile and know something about it or know what my username meant.

2) No extensive travel for "work".

3) If you were successful in referring to my profile info and I email you back, your reply doesn't use the word "sexy" or even mention going out yet.

4) In fact, you don't even mention going out or give me your private email or phone number until your third email.

5) Don't offer to send me "private" pictures.

6) You meaning the dating woman = Flat out mention something that is one of the most important things in your life - the thing that matters most to you, barring everything else, like if you were on a deserted island you'd be fine if you had X or could do Y.  If he isn't as positive as you are about it, even remotely, no-go.

(Yes, that's very personal, but it gets right to the heart of the matter, doesn't it?  Like, I could live [if pressed] without knitting, but I couldn't live without books.  Granted, it's not like my family doesn't matter, but I also know myself enough to know that I can live without people.  You're addressing fundamental beliefs and character here.  If he says he couldn't live without his Slayer albums or his Satanic bible, bye-bye.)

7) He answers the same  passion/important thing question.  If you aren't *totally* enthusiastic about it, no-go.

8) If he doesn't get along with his family, no-go.

9) If he doesn't mention his salary, no-go.

10) If he doesn't mention his religion, no-go.

11) If he doesn't mention his preference on kids, no-go.

12) Falls in the strict age range, period.  And that means, unfortunately, someone within 5 years of your age.  Kids are fun, but kids don't want to settle down and have kids unless they have mommy issues.

I know this seems ridiculous and dumb, but being this picky worked for me.  Yes, I may have passed over guys who were just shy or awkward, but I don't want to deal with shy or awkward.  Been there, done that.  I don't know what freak stroke of luck sent me Doodlepants, but he met all those conditions and more.  No one else did in three months.

Square peg, meet round hole and screwed up teenaged dating

So I found it highly amusing that apparently I, the punk freak "untouchable" in high school, was in fact very much sought after but none of the guys would ask me out because they were afraid of me.  I scared them.  They were intimidated by me because I behaved the same as them, not like the other girls.  They didn't know how to approach me.  The guy who told me this, better known as The Chef, the one I actually did date and who is in touch with a lot of them, actually got applauded - applauded! - at the recent reunion for having both the prowess and the cojones to go out with me.  I've gotten messages from several who all said they regretted never asking me out.  WTF?  I mean really, W.T.F.?

How in the hell does that happen?  Why did no one tell me this?  Do you have any idea what this would have done for my self-esteem?  How much better I would have felt about myself, instead of being the girl that didn't have dates because she was just one of the guys?

I found all these people on Facebook, of course.  And it's funny - in the communication threads, these guys' wives and girlfriends have got their hackles up.  Do they not remember that I hung out with all these guys and I was friends with them, and not them?  And why wasn't I friends with the girls?  Because I was friends with the guys!  And oh, that's right, that's why all the girls called me a whore!  I'd almost forgotten that.  Funny how that works, especially knowing now that the guys were all afraid to ask me out.  

Good times.

hmmmm

I think I might be sporting a bit of a crush on an old classmate I have hung out with a couple of times............
I am going to just leave it at that for now.
WMJ

At a complete and utter loss....

I honestly don't think anyone could provide an adequate explanation for some of the atrocious behavior I have encountered as of late.....

Case Study #1 - Indian PhD Guy (Dazed and Confused)

First contacts me back in August on Match. We go out once, have a very good time, and make plans for a second date. Day of 2nd date I get a text from his friend saying he dislocated his shoulder and is in the hospital. A few weeks later, he resurfaces and sends me a very nice email saying that he's gotten back with his ex-girlfriend. I was fine with it, as I wasn't sure I was attracted to him in the first place, and he handled it well. Fast forward several months - I see him back on Match (looking at my profile) and we have a few fun episodes of text conversations (all PG, girls). He is flirty and asks me to come watch a movie at his house that night. I agree (deciding he is harmless) and then 30 minutes later he says he can't do it, has to pick up a stranded friend whose car broke down. A few months later, he's back - we text for 3 hours the Sunday of the snow, and he asks me out for dinner the following Friday (specific plans - restaurant, time, etc. all decided). Texts me on Tuesday to say hi, I write back 2 hours later, and nothing. And nothing. And nothing. I finally text him on Thursday to say are we still on for dinner. Nothing. And nothing since. Except....yep, you guessed it - he's back on Match and looking at my profile.

Case Study #2 - Nice Guy Jim (and what a guy he is)

Last Saturday I get an Match email (on my Blackberry) from Nice Guy Jim as follows:

Michelle - if you are ever in the mood to hook up, please call me at 404-xxx-xxxx. Jim.

Having no clue who this is, I check the picture when I get home (can't see it on the Blackberry) and it's this guy who emailed me almost a YEAR ago and then flaked out. We have never even talked on the phone.

To make it even better, this is how his profile now begins on Match -

I am a Christian man looking for a Christian woman that is marriage minded and wants to start a family fairly soon...

Gosh, do you think he wants to marry me? Or just come over to my house, screw me, and leave? I know which one I'm putting my money on....

There are more stories to tell, but I just don't have the energy to type them now....more soon.

10 years and counting.....

Ever have those guys you never get over? Those relationships that never seem to die? That one true love that you feel like makes you both into the poster children for "star-crossed lovers"?

Mine is going on 10 years now and just reemerged yesterday.

I know it will never go anywhere, but damn, if I'm not addicted to it. :-(

Stupid stupid stupid boys

WTF.  Just WTF.

We had a great time with him meeting the family.  He liked them, they liked him.

Today, he gets in a snit and is sulking and won't speak to me or communicate in any way.

I've about had it with this high school crap.  Seriously.  Be a man for christ's sakes.  Damn.

All I can say is....... WTF

Once again, as I have said repeatedly....... We couldn't make this shit up if we tried !!!!!!

So on Tues night I meet a new guy from yahoo personals out for coffee. He wrote me first and was very cute. He is Hungarian. So we meet, he is super cute, nice accent, well spoken, smart, interesting, well read, and seems to have a good job.

We are there for a few hours, and wrap up the night. At my car, he kisses me. VERY good kisser I might add. By the time I get on the highway I get a text message " you are a very good kisser, I want to see you again, Friday?"
Well, I already have another date lined up for tonight so I replied " I have plans Fri, but I am free Thurs. I get off wk @8, so won't be able to meet you til 9"
He is fine with that. And asks if I can come up his way ( #11 on 400, a good 30-40 min drive for me) there is a great tex mex place we can go to....... So I am fine with that.

I get there last night around 8:40, Give him a call and he says" I will be there in 10 min, get a booth"

Now a side bar here...... Since he has an accent, I can't always tell when he is kidding or not......

He sits down
him- "are you hungry?"
me- "actually yeah, the food looks good"
him-" I actually already ate"
me- "why?"
him- " It IS 9pm"
me- "and you knew that when we made plans"
him- " It doesn't matter, you are buying dinner tonight anyway, I will be a cheap date"

WTF- you asked ME out asshole, and I just drove 40 f-ing minutes for mexican food!!!!

me- "haha, yeah ok whatever" ( thinking he is joking.....)
him-" so what are we doing after this?"
me- no clue, this isn't my neck of the woods"
him- "my house is around the corner"
me- " I have only met you two times, and don't even know your last name yet, I will not be coming to your house tonight...."

Keep in mind He has corrected my grammer at this point too..... Over me saying "we were going to surround the wagons for a friend who was going thorugh a bad break up, v/s circle the wagons" who cares !!!!

The bill comes, he HANDS me the folder!!!!!Picks it up and HANDS it to me !!!!
Me- as I look him dead in the eye,,,,, " Won't be the first time I have needed to pay for dinner!!!" ( it was only $36!!!!)
Him- " I am very tired I need to go"

We walk out and he pats me on the back !!!!! same guy who laid one on me 2 nights before.......

I send him a text that says " I was actually really looking forward to seeing you tonight, and in all honesty you acted like a complete ass tonight"
His "reply......." I am sorry"
my last reply "really, if that is your attempt at an explanation, I am not interested ...."

Basically- Since he not getting laid on the first date, he didn't want to waste any time or money on me. Nice huh!!!


We can add him to the following experiences
1- suicidal intensive therapy guy
2- the guy who would text me "hey" 20 times a day after hanging out for an hour
3- the guy who 30 min after iming with me on yahoo told me he was wacking off to my picture and gave me graffic details
4- the latino jew, that after a nice first date, totally freaked out on me since his business was going down the toliet

Ladies am I forgetting anyone?????

I DO have another date tonight...... will post tomorrow.
WMJ


Update...... Date last night, he was very sweet, but in all honesty, he was kinda of boring, and was so nervous he was sweating...... So after 2 hrs, I went and met one of the ladies for a drink....

Parental Units

I think Doodlepants' parents like me more than he does. They were in town on their way to Florida and were very upset that I already had dinner plans and couldn't visit with them and Tony. His Mother is convinced that I'm The One. I think she pretty much told him that. He just said he thought it was funny. I think he secretly agrees with her.

Playing chicken

I'm learning to be assertive, which is interesting since normally I will just sit back and shrug and go with the flow just to keep the peace. But this time around I decided that it wasn't going to go like that. So I've been speaking up when something happens that I don't like, or that I think is off, or that I'm not happy about. I've been calling his bluff the way he called mine in the beginning.

It feels really good.

The Captain (formerly known as Doodlepants) has learned that if he expects something of me, he'd best be prepared to play by his own rules, because I'm keeping track. He didn't like that at first, but to his credit he admitted that I was right and he was being a dork. So there is progress.

"The Captain" comes from me jokingly saying "aye-aye, Cap'n" whenever he tries to be butch and make a decision or declaration about something. It's suitably dorky.

Is it ever OK for the ex-wife to stay over at your SO's house?

Well BH (brown hipster)'s ex-wife is bringing his daughter up for a visit this weekend. BH asked if I'd mind if his ex-wife stayed at his house for the weekend because she didn't have a place to stay and didn't have transportation back out of town until Sunday. He then said, "If you want to postpone meeting my daughter while (ex-wife) is here, I'll totally understand."

Hmmm. I understand being a accomodating, but am I a total beyotch for not being ok with ex-wife spending Friday and Saturday night at his house? Why does the fact that they have a child together make it ok? He wouldn't be cool with my ex-husband spending the weekend at my house; and I'd never ask.

I want to be ok with this. Maybe I'm not as "cool" as I thought. Thoughts?

Craptastic all around...

In the spirit of bad Valentine's Days...I had a unique experience last week.

Remember the little drummer boy? Who stood me up last Saturday night after asking me out for drinks ("definitely!" on Saturday)? After a glass or two of wine on Thursday night, I sent him a text as follows:

"So, did something happen to you on Saturday or should I just assume you went out of your way to get in touch with me only to stand me up and hurt me?"

Of course I did not expect any response, but thought if it makes him feel like crap to read that (even for 10 seconds) it's worth it.

Then Friday afternoon he responded - yes, ladies, that's right - he actually responded! His response was:

"I'm sorry I didn't do it to hurt you. I had a great time with you, but after much thought I felt you talked ALOT about your exes and it seemed like the money thing is a really big deal to you. You're a great girl and I'm sorry I wasted your time but I think you'd be better for someone else"

I was dumbfounded. In retrospect, this is not that bad, but at the time I took it very hard, and was very upset.

Luckily I've now moved into the anger phase - first of all, he has every right to his own opinion and to not be interested, but that does NOT excuse his very rude and flaky behavior. Second, I was not talking about my "exes" - girls, I think this is an easy trap to fall into - it all starts with "so, how has your experience been with online dating?" and of course the natural tendency is to tell your bad first date stories. He was laughing along with them at the time, but now here it is thrown back in my face. Third, HE is the one who brought up money first, saying he didn't think he "met my requirements" according to my profile and telling me how much he makes during our first phone conversation. I agree we probably got too much into it for a first date, but his memory is very selective.

And nice that it took him a month and a half (and asking me out on another date) for him to realize just how offensive I was on our first date. So a big effing WHATEVER to you, little drummer boy - good luck to you....

In other news, it's been a long (and inevitable) time coming, but I have finally had to accept the fact that it's over between me and my original Chicago boy (who is still in his crappy marriage despite telling me he was in the process of ending it a year ago). This is for the best, of course, but it still hurts a lot.

Trying to hold it together.....

Happy Valentine's Day

Hope it was a better one for everyone else.

Latino Jew

well, he was actually pretty darn cute and has a great voice. We went to the Vortex and then Starbucks. Not knocked off my feet, but would totally see him again. I asked him if he wanted to hang out with me again and he said yes, so we shall see......
In honor of V Day, I would just like to say I hope Formerlly Know As slips and falls on the ice in Chicago and cracks his tailbone. I don't want him actually really hurt, just very uncomfortable for awhile. And as much as I Dislike HER, I can't blame her for his BS, so I can't really wish bad things on her.
I actually almost pulled out the voodoo doll my sisters bought me for Christmas. But hey, the day ain't over yet and after a few beers at hockey tonight I might just do it
WMJ

The first big argument

And what is it about?

My ex-husband.

I understand that all men, at some stage of a relationship, will become possessive, or protective, or whatever polite euphemism you want to use for when they start looking at you and picturing you with "MINE" emblazoned across you like a pageant sash.  I understand that men are territorial, which they usually start exhibiting when you're in a room full of people and they find it necessary to touch you in an innocent yet familiar way that will broadcast their ownership of you.  It's humorous, and juvenile, and sometimes exciting in a primitive hormonal kind of way.  But what point is there in being jealous or annoyed by something that is a Past Object?

I knew he was in a mood when I got there, even though he said nothing was wrong, and only after I mentioned the dynamics of being a "we" did he suddenly ask when the past was going to stay the past and when was I going to get rid of the negativity in my life that is my ex-husband?  I didn't even understand him at first, but he said that there is no reason the ex-husband should even be around, especially when the friendship is only one sided, there are no kids or anything shared that we need to communicate about, and the ex-husband is obviously not keen on letting go of me, and he's still a big negative presence in my life even after 3 years.   

I took exception to this, mostly because he was right to some degree, but I also felt that it was damned presumptive on his part to lecture me about it.  I'm allergic to possessiveness.  Possessiveness vexes me and my first instinct is to say "screw it" and walk out the door.  He's not the boss of me!  But then I stopped and thought about it and tried to understand why he felt that he could say that to me, why he felt it was necessary, and why he would be threatened in any way by my EX-husband.  There's a reason I'm Clueless, because I'm oblivious for the most part to the way things really appear.  So is it really that much of a problem?  I can't neatly excise ten years out of my life, no matter how much he'd like me to.  The strangest part was that I have actually started making a concerted effort to have the ex-husband grasp reality and get completely detached.

We went back and forth for a couple of hours and finally just went to bed and passed out because there was not going to be a satisfactory conclusion drawn from the "discussion".  We made a deal this morning over breakfast that tonight we won't fight and there will be no yelling and it will be Valentine's Day.  But it's still lurking, I can see the wheels turning in his head.  I haven't heard the last of it.

yowza !!!!!

ok, my friend from High School just told me on Facebook, that he has a 12 inch penis !!!!!!! Ok people that is a f-ing RULER !!!!!
Now one of my gay boyfriends and I were at dinner last night and I have seen his, and it is BIG. So i look over at him and say so **** how big is your penis exactly? Numberwise. ( His boyfriend shot beer out his nose as I said this)
well he told me his was 9-1/2
So CBC- As I well know your ex hubby was very blessed- what was he measuring?????

One again----- A RULER !!!!! That does not sound like fun at all to me !!!!!

And did I mention when I was in the "adult novelty store" the other day the sales clerk showed me a porn box with an 85 yr old woman with a WALKER !!!! WTF

i'm outta here

newbie

So I have a first meeting/ date with the latino jew tonight. We are going to meet at the Vortex. Will update later.......

Had an offer of a playdate from Chiropractor for this evening too, would have taken him up on that if I didn't already have plans......

Maybe late tomorrow night or Sunday night

How men think....

My insane (and just generally odd) male roommate told me today that he plans on going out to the nightclub on Saturday night. His theory is that if a woman is out, alone, wanting to be "picked up" on Valentine's Day night, she is probably not married AND desperate enough to sleep with him on the first date.

This, my friends, is how idiotic men think. Beware this weekend. Beware.

wow

to sum it all up.
Formerly Know As will be spending the valentines day weekend in Chicago with the ex ( the one he proposed to "accidentally" while dating me......)
Know what I got from him for VDay last year............NADDA
And when asked point blank if he was getting back with her, I was told " I can't make any promises that I won't"

So ladies just so you know, to keep a man you must
1- have a lazy eye
2- break into his house by crawling through the dog door and stealing your engagement ring, so that your man has to call the police and get a restraining order against you.
3- Physically abuse him and generally treat him like shit......
4- Be a general bitch !!!!

Keep in mind, I have never met her, but i do know that all of his friends, his bf's gf and his ex wife all HATE this girl....................and they HAVE spent time with her
WMJ

Stupid, but for a giggle.....

1) Did you fart?
cuz you just blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded?
cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea .
I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card?
cuz I'd like to sign you out

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?
cuz I can see myself in em.

6) If you was a tree & I was a Squirrel ,
I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

7) You might not be the best lookin girl here,
but beauty's only a light switch away..

8) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone,
but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

9) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

10) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin,
we kin sleep til afternoon.

AND.. the best for last!

11) Yer face reminds me of a wrench,
every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up

UGH !!!!

I am having a very difficult day, and I am sure most of you know who it involves. But before you give me hell and beat me up about it, Please know that isn't really what from you right this second.
Every now and then it really fucks me up HARD
WMJ

hmmmmm should I????

So this cute little teacher, who also plays bass, that I met on Myspace a few months ago wants to "hang out tonight" aka means make out, I am sure..... hmmm is it a good idea? He is pretty cute, but wants nothing serious !!!! could be anice way to pass the time.
BEG and SIC have both met him and can vouch for his cuteness !!!!

"Awesome Guy"

So BEG's crazy awesome guy writes me, "he enjoyed reading my profile" really, if you had actually read it, you would have gotten to the part that says, "if you wrote her, don't write me" AND there is a picture of us together on my profile......
Below is our exchange.
I checked my mail earlier on POF, all my replies were read and deleted hahahah





HIM-Hello,I happen to enjoy reading your profile and I am interested in getting to know you......Interested? Stephen:)

ME-ummmmm did you happen to notice ******** is one of my best friends

HIM- No I did not notice that? Im not dating her or have I even met her? Sorry....... Does she even like me?

ME-well you had dinner at her house

HIM-She has not spoken to me for a bit? What did she tell you about me may I ask?

ME-so I guess she rings a bell now in your memory suddenly?Why on earth would I tell you any of our conversations? I don't know you.

HIM-I do remember now. She just disappeared. I dont think she was ready to date anyone right now. She has a lot going on that she needed to get situated. Good luck!


then he sent these two totally randomly???? WTF hello CRAZY?????

I still think that you are really cute...........

Howdy........

After that entire exchange you send me "howdy" in a totally new email? It was not part of the thread?????

Unbelievable

I am floored.  The Married Guy at Work (henceforth known as TMGAW) certainly gathers no moss.  I've been keeping tabs on his behavior out of sheer curiosity.  He apparently got that I'm not interested (maybe it was the 80 billion pictures of Doodlepants in my cube? [okay, so it's two]) and so within two months he is now dating and "serious" with one of the women who reports to him.  He got an email from her mother on Friday thanking him for making her so happy!  

This guy is still married and still has girlfriend # 1!  He just saw G#1  this past week!  So now he's got another one here?  Where do these guys get the energy?

Personally, I'd never be able to keep everyone straight.

Drummers, indeed...

So...last Wednesday, the little drummer boy (cute 29-year-old I went out with right after Christmas - great date, followed by his inexplicable freakout) crawled out of the woodwork and texted me to say hi and ask me out for a drink. He apologized for taking so long to get back to me, and I figured it was worth hearing him out at least for the sake of closure. We agreed on Saturday (he said "Definately!") for drinks. Saturday rolled around, and guess what? Nothing all day long. Not a text, not a call since then. Unbelievable! Why did he BOTHER reconnecting with me, only to stand me up? Yes, I know he's just not that into me, but I will never understand men or their "logic" - this is not something I would ever even consider doing to someone.

In other news, a 2nd trainer / massage therapist has been emailing me wanting to talk, but only at around 1am. Nice, huh? I am about ready to change my headline to "If you're just looking for someone to j*ck you off, please do not apply!"

Drummers, cont....

I forgot two in my list of drummers blog. One of my best friends since high school Chuck , is/was a drummer. And my ex Sreve who was in a "glam rock" band. A Drummer "using ther term loosely" who I convinced to shave his head hahaha.
Like I said, I have a pattern.
I have a feeling there will be a comment on this by gf who was Steve's roomate for a few years hahaha.
I am sporting my sassy new Rick Springfield tshirt and feelign very sassy
and FYI- VALENTINES DAY SUCKS !!!!! Wheeee

So as an early bday gift( Iwill be 41 in a few weeks) SIC bought tickets for us to go to Rick Springfield, who we both love.!!!!!
Someone please tell me how he can look so f-ing good in his 50s!!!! He was so cute in a wife beater, tight jeans, converse, and black nail polish. And Even Shaved his arm pits, which I love !!!! Looked totally cool, but not like he is trying too hard. He is in amazing shape, totally cut arms !!!! cute buns, flat tummy !!!!
So once again, where are all the 50 yr old men who look like him and Nikki Sixx, Nikki turns 51 this year I think !!!!!
WMJ

It's simple, really.

You love me? Then have the patience to understand that I have to get used to the idea.

More on the wonky-eyed outbreak...

I'm posting this on behalf of my friend in Chicago who had this to say about a potential wonky-eyed suitor on eHarmony:

According to his must-haves/can't-stands, Wonk-man can't tolerate depression and a victim mentality. Wow, we're perfect for each other! He also needs his partner to be "passionate" and open s*xually. Yeah, and what's your role in creating passion? To sit back with the wonk eye and judge people who get depressed? I'm getting turned on as we speak!

Road Trip, Parents, Dogs, Superbowl

Doodlepants insisted that I still go out of town with him this past weekend to get away from all my stress and the disaster wreck of a house.  So I finally caved and we went.

I ended up having an amazing time.  According to Mother Doodlepants, God has chosen me for her son.  Okay, that was an interesting go round but she's pretty weird anyway.  When it comes to Dad Doodlepants, I'm the bomb because I'm a geek and I can help with his gadgetry, since Doodlepants wouldn't know an audio jack from dental floss.

I felt very comfortable, and very at home, and it was definitely the relaxation I need.  They have two really cute Shih-tzus, Tony and Carmella. Carmella is just a baby and looks like a Muppet.  

So all in all, it went well.  We did well in the car together (since reading or knitting makes me carsick, I drove, and he read to me) and talked about any number of things, and that was tolerable.  Aside from some squabbling with him about eating and about letting him do things for me, the whole weekend went well.  Dad Doodlepants bought the UFC fight for me Saturday night and the two men watched the Superbowl on Sunday while Mother Doodlepants and I sat on the patio drinking margaritas and her giving me the third degree.  Somehow I ended up agreeing to knit her a hat in magenta.  I don't think I am physically capable of buying magenta yarn.

The surprise came after we got home.  I asked him the standard Neurotic Female question:  Did your parents really like me, or did they just put up with me for your sake?  He writes me back a while later telling me that yes, they adored me and how everything is wonderful and...

He loves me.

WTF?

B.E.G. - what am I doing wrong??? While you are getting it on with Irish guy, my own adventures are pretty grim...

First, things got U-G-L-Y with the trainer last night! He had sent me a couple of very nice texts during the day and apologized for his "fiesty" behavior, so I mistakenly thought he might have potential as an in-town sort-of-friend-with-benefits. And let me also say that I NEVER even considered sending him the requested naked pictures - so no worries on that.

So...after I left work, I went to the mall and to dinner - and we were texting on and off the whole time. It did get a little frisky, which I was ok with, but then he started up again about sending him pictures. He said it was partly to see how "playful" I could be. I told him that just because I don't want to send pictures to someone I don't know over the phone, that doesn't mean I don't want to have fun. I also told him he should be more up front if he's only interested in s*x, as it was not apparent to me from his profile or initial email.

The conversation continued pleasantly enough, and once back in my hotel room I did consent to send him one picture - but with clothes - essentially it was just a cleavage shot. I sent it, but I guess it didn't go through right away. So this a-hole actually got MAD at me! I told him it's a new phone, maybe didn't work right, I'd figure it out, and told him not to be an ass about it. Then when the picture finally went through, he texts me "nice picture with your clothes on..lol..like that's supposed to turn me on!" What a CREEP! My response was "Just F-off and find someone else to bother!" And his was "no problem..later".

Unbelievable!!! I am almost tempted to have one of you check out his profile on Yahoo and screw with his head a little - but that wouldn't be very mature, now, would it? ;-)

And in conclusion...

Today I get a very nice, long email from this guy Mitchell on Yahoo. He was very sweet and yet lives in North Carolina and was wearing a t-shirt in his profile picture that says "I fart in your general direction". WTF???

P.S. Has anyone (besides me) had it with men who write / text "lol" after every other word???

Demented and sad...but social(?)

I haven't had much to blog about lately, but yesterday I experienced a whole new surge of disgust toward the online dating scene. Let me walk you through it...

Yesterday morning I got a very nice email from a man we'll call the trainer (because he is one! very creative, I know). He was cute, 39, never married, no kids, had a very nice profile all about him and his big family, how he is open / honest / not into games, not looking for Barbie (despite being a personal trainer) - basically everything you'd want to hear from a potential suitor. His email was totally normal and nice, said I looked very attractive in my pics, he'd love to chat sometime, etc. Even gave his number and full name in the email.

I was kind of excited about it (as I told WMJ at lunch), thinking "Wow, I held out long enough to actually meet a normal, acceptable person on here!" I wrote him back last night, careful to make a very good first impression, and gave him my cell number (which about a 1000 people at work have, so not a big deal to give out).

Literally a minute later, he texts me - says hi and that he sent me some pics (I'm thinking ??? there are already pics of him on his profile). He also wrote "I have to say I am fiesty - hope you're ok with that - I am not shy". Hmmm.....

This is the point at which I thought - will he be the THIRD man to send me unsolicited naked photos of himself? Girls, for those of you who aren't up on the lingo, "fiesty" and "not shy" apparently = horny and ready to exchange naked photos with strangers. He actually expected me, based on this brief interaction, to take "s*xy" pictures of myself and send them to him last night.

The conversation continued:

Trainer - "You know what I mean by fiesty, right? I am extremely s*xual and I like to play"
Me - "Is that all you're looking for?" (clearly it is!)
Trainer - "Not all but it's extremely important to me"
Me - "I agree that s*x is very important, but I am looking for someone who wants to get to know me / date as well"
Trainer - "Oh. I was hoping for a few s*xy pics. Well, that sucks. I had a few to send you - I guess I am just fiesty tonight. Sorry"

Can you hear my sigh all the way in Atlanta?

As I am typing this, he just sent me a text saying hi and he hopes I'm having a good day.

It's not as though I'm against having a few on the back burner for just such purposes (in fact, I'm in favor of it!), but it is disappointing when it's not immediately clear that's all they are looking for.

BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

1- I am still sick, I feel like Hell
2-Men are STUPID
3-I am sad and broken hearted about the wild kitty BEG and I tried to save out of a parking lot tonight. DAMN IT Why I can't I save them ALL.
4-Men are STUPID
5- I am on a funk
I am taking my nyquil and my tissue and going to bed

GO STEELERS

I'm sick

I am sick and I have a "non" date tonight . This is not a real date bc this guy has SO many issues right now, he is not ready to date. But a nice guy, so I said i would hang out with him some.
I refuse to date someone with a whole load of issues again. Formerly Known As had plenty of that. UGH
Bonus is that I sound like the sisters from the Simpsons when I talk hahahaha.
Will post later after I take my ambien so I can sleep ( now THAT should be interesting...)

Drummers

I have decided I have an addiction to drummers. First tow of my closest male friends are drummers. Yes "Steven" if you are reading this as I think you do. This means you and I heart you !!!!! The other being my ffriend who lives in CA that I don't get to see nearly enough!!!!!

High School Boyfriend was also a drummer when we dated.........................

I also seriously crush on Chris the Drummer for the VPs ( bald) and the cute drummer of Lifehouse (also bald) and after this weekend I now have added Dave ( the yes BALD) the drummer for Machinehead.

I need to find a support group hahaha, or a hot bald drummer to date me. Anyone got any leads??

I think I am getting a cold from my adventures in Chicago this past weekend. Too much fun I guess

WMJ

For Valentine's Day

I need advice.....

I just found out last night that (my boyfriendish person that I shall now always refer to as Brown Hipster because he is a hipster UPS driver) BH's 11 year old daughter is moving back to the state. NEXT MONTH. I'm freaking out because I could totally handle hanging out as the girlfriend of "Daddy" for a week every 6 months or a few weekends here and there, but now she is going to seriously be in his life.

Don't get me wrong. It is great. He is very, very excited to have her back closer to him and she is a very well-behaved child. However, as some of you know, I'm not really the "child type". I've never been around children, don't particularly like being around them and never planned on being around them. Now I'm instantly in this weird land of "you-aren't-my-mommy-but-you-are-in-my-life" person. I'm especially freaked because the current plan is for me to move in with BH starting in May.

All this being said, I haven't met the child yet. I have never even spoken to her. I don't know how she will treat me and I really don't know how I will treat her. She's been in this situation before (BH just came out of a 5 year relationship), but I never have.

I just need some advice. Oh, did I mention that I'M FREAKING OUT! :-)

Well, well, well

It would appear that Married Guy had a very specific purpose in sending me that email.

I do think it was prompted in part by me talking about Doodlepants, but not for the reason I initially thought, and here's why:

The day he sent it, someone I'm pretty sure was him checked my blog the evening before, the morning of, and the evening of, probably to see if I posted anything in response.  All I did post was a short question asking how many synonyms there are for "sanctimonious".

On top of being paranoid, since I started my little side business, I keep pretty close track of who is hitting what site of mine, and I use Google Alerts to keep track of who is searching on me in my various intarwebs incarnations.

Today, not only did I get a Google Alert that someone searched against my email address from his IP, but also against my blog name and immediately after that, a hit from the same IP on my blog.  

I think he planted the email for her to find, to put her mind at ease.  That way she could read the email where he talks about how he's found his one true love and I should just leave them alone because he never cared about me.  And then she could read my blog and see the things about Doodlepants.

I realize how crazy and paranoid and convoluted this must sound, but trust me: life with him was just that paranoid and convoluted.  Me + my ability to throw him = exactly how much I trust anything he does.

Now that I can put that to rest, the only lingering question is the story behind the bracelet.

Finding a "Keeper"

When I first gave in and finally joined Match, everyone warned me that it was a slow, long process and i'd be going on a lot of first dates. I spent two months writing my profile so that I could be exact and clear about who I am and what I'm looking for - without making me sound incredibly weird or incredibly dull.

And I will admit, I'm weird. I have weird interests and weird tastes and weird hobbies (I like guns and I knit, most of the guys couldn't seem to put them together). I have a strange sense of humor. I'm very independent and strong willed. I made that clear up front. And for the first time in my dating life, I had no expectations. I also had a very clear-cut list of things that were non-negotiable (my therapist made me do it, she said it's a Jewish thing, I have no idea) and how I was going to go about the selection process.

I was extremely selective about who I responded to. The first few days I must have sent 2 dozen "no thanks" responses to winks, and polite "you're not meeting the criteria" emails. If their introductory email didn't make a reference to something out of my profile, it was a no-deal. If they winked, I would read their profile and if there was even a slight hint of "hmm", it was a no-deal.

Out of all the men (and the woman) that contacted me, I only responded to 4 - in person, let me add that. I emailed with several, but it took a lot to get to a phone call. Extremely critical and picky? Yep, that's me. If there was even any hint of something off, like Guy #3's being pushy, and Guy #2's having lived in Alpharetta for 7 years but not knowing where any of the restaurants were, and Guy #4's living in Monroe, they were crossed off the list. I know I probably missed out on some truly nice guys, but I had a very, very specific goal in mind and Doodlepants was nearly perfect.

Doodlepants was the only one I had an instant rapport with, and I think it was because I made fun of him for liking Dostoevsky and we had a debate about the Beat Poets. See what I mean? Not exactly mainstream. With the exception of him watching football and American Idol and me liking guns and MMA, we've pretty much got a lot in common and go about life in much the same way.

Does this all mean that he is a permanent keeper? I don't know. I like him very much and he likes me, but it's still going to take time.

All that aside, I got very, very, very lucky.

Me

I know I have been MIA, but I had a death in my family, so i will be catching up as my well needed color is processing !!!!
Just for the record our dear readers............
WE DO NOT MAKE ANY OF THIS STUFF UP !!!!!!
with our real lives this nuts, we don't have to !!!!!!
Thank god we ROCK !!!!!
xoxo ME

I should get a sticker or something....

I found myself parked right behind exAhole's car on Sunday night/Monday morning at 2:00 a.m. (because he lives above a bar I frequent) and did not do anything bad or illegal. I have been fantasizing about this moment for about 2 weeks now (since he made yet another dick move). Ahhh.....the feeling of a sharp knife on hard rubber tires.......oooohhhh.....the feeling of a key sliding down the length of the car making that nice metal on metal sound.......mmmmmm......the satisfying crash a brick through his windshield must make. Carrie Underwood is on to something with that horrible song. But, I took the high road and didn't even leave a "watch your back you fucking fuck" in lipstick on his windshield.

Don't I get a cookie or something for that? :-)

(All that being said, my SO, who is so awesome, brought me flowers this past weekend when he took me on a date.)

You've got to be kidding me

I just got this long, heartfelt missive from Married Guy about how wrong he was to deal with the situation the way he did and how he should have apologized sooner and how if I'm the friend I said I was I'd just be happy for him that he's met the love of his life and let him live his life in peace.

Um, hello, Earth to Jackass? Besides the one email asking how you could be such an idiot, I haven't contacted you since your WIFE asked me to go away. Don't you dare get all righteous on me now.

I wrote him back saying that I did wish him well, and if he had been a man, he would have noticed that the last contact email was more of me being outraged that he could do this to her, as opposed to how he treated me. But I guess you don't notice those things when you're busy being self-righteous.

Really, though, it basically came down to it being my fault for trying to have a relationship with him, even though he was lying to everyone else the entire time, and how he never cared about me anyway and was wrong to keep seeing me. How I should have kept walking away the times I said I was going to - regardless of him protesting it. I can't go back to someone who doesn't want me, remember how that works?

I really just don't get the ego on these men. I really, really don't.

Women and their mothers

My Mother is still espousing the idea that I should not let him pay for dinner because that will "obligate" me to "pay him back" for spending his money.

I came right out and asked her why withholding sex seems to be such a big deal to her? Him paying for dinner doesn't obligate me to anything, if I'm going to have sex with him it's because I want to, not because I feel like I owe him anything. I said as far as I'm concerned, he could buy me Piedmont Park and that still wouldn't obligate me to anything because it isn't like anyone made him do it.

Back in her day, I suppose sex was still a commodity for women without any independence. however, there is really no point in me treating sex as a commodity because to me, I want sex when I want it. It's not some prize to be awarded to a guy for behaving correctly, that's just manipulative. You don't buy a car without test driving it, and plus, sex is fun and I don't consider it a gift or a prize that you bestow on someone. That's so old-fashioned that it makes me cringe.

I also just wrote to her that the old cliche used to be that men won't buy the cow if they can get the milk for free. The way I see it, why should I buy the pig when I can get the sausage for free?

Men and their mothers

I went and put my foot in it today.  Doodlepants came and picked me up and took me out today because he missed me and he said I needed to get out of the house.  We went down to the Righteous Room and then to a bookstore and had a good time.  While we were at lunch we were talking about marriages and relationships.  He mentioned that he told his mother that my specialty is chicken and dumplings and how I had made a crack about how the "menfolk shouldn't be cleaning the kitchen" after dinner.  Apparently she got a huge kick out of that and likes me even more now.  She and my mom are cut from the same cloth, since my mom is also very big on traditional gender roles.  At family gatherings, the menfolk don't fix their own plates, the whole nine yards.  They eat and then fall asleep in front of the TV while the hens cackle and clean the kitchen.

I asked him how he felt about it, since apparently his last SO was a rabid feminist who felt that she didn't have to do the cooking and cleaning because he could.  I said that I'd never had it traditional, since I'd always been the main breadwinner.  During my marriage I worked the 80 hour weeks and paid all the bills,  and the husband was pretty useless so I hired a housekeeper, so I had no experience being the "little woman".  I said I didn't think I'd mind the traditional if I wasn't the one responsible for the bills, but I'd been responsible for so long that I didn't know if I could give it up.  I asked him what he thought about it, how he felt it should work.  He comes back with "I'd much rather you stay home and not work, especially if we ever have kids."

You could have heard a pin drop.  I think my chin literally hit my chest.  I just sat there and stared at him, and then I think he realized what he said, because he blushed bright red and suddenly got very interested in his food.

I didn't try to change the subject but I seriously didn't know what to say.  We both just concentrated on our food.  Eventually he mentioned that his parents got another dog and we went happily onto that subject.

I've discovered that men whose mothers didn't work are much more inclined to have their wives not work than men whose mothers did work.  I guess it's just the example of what you grew up with, really, that you're comfortable with or learned was the "right" way to do things.

I really think I'm too old and set in my ways to give up my autonomy like that.

More points scored

I don't get sick often but when I do it wallops me.  Yesterday, Doodlepants found out I had a cold and said he was going to check on me and what did I want for lunch.  I said no, because I prefer to die in peace, but he said that I had no choice in the matter, and secretly, I was impressed.  I asked for soup, since it doesn't hurt to swallow soup.  He said okay.

Promptly at 12:00 he's at my front door with chicken soup and a card.  He kissed me on the top of my head after I asked him to not look at me.  He sat with me and made sure I ate my soup and we chattered and then he went back to work.

I could get used to this.

True confessions and p.s. this weather sucks....

So...I am supposed to have a long-awaited date tonight with a boy we'll call J. Met him almost a year ago at my former job (he worked there too at the time), and was completely smitten. As with my typical luck, he was in the process of ending a bad marriage and has a small child. Ugh. We embarked on a passionate affair anyway, which has had it's ups and downs over the past year. I have somehow managed not to let myself fall madly in love with him (he's just about perfect - tall, dark, handsome, funny, smart, successful, your basic dream come true, sans the wife of course), as the pending divorce has never actually come to fruition and I don't want to be the Carrie Fischer character in "When Harry Met Sally". Trust me, I do not feel good about being involved in this, but I have been assured things were over long before I came along and if it weren't for the child, etc., etc. - we all know the drill, I'm sure. Perhaps the karma police will get me for this someday, but I take responsibility for my actions, whatever the cost.

There are of course also some distance complications, as he lives in Chicago (but not close to where I'm working). We still talk, but I haven't seen him since September.

Finally tonight we are supposed to get together, and...of course it's yet ANOTHER blizzard here today!!! Not looking good....

Oh, the horror

So, backstory with Doodlepants...

I freaked out over his Match profile still being up and updated after he swore he cancelled it. He freaked out because my ex-husband was at my house working on my broken garage door opener. After a series of very strained emails, he insisted that we meet for dinner to clear the air. We met halfway and it was very polite.

Over veggie pizza he insisted that he isn't looking to meet anyone else until he sees where we go. I agreed that was reasonable and I felt the same way. I reminded him there is a reason there is a big "EX" in front of "husband" and he acknowledged that it wasn't really his place to be jealous. I acknowledged that I didn't really have any right to be jealous over his profile since we hadn't discussed yet whether we were going to be dating other people.

He's good, I'll give him that, he knows all the right things to say and while the girly part of me is thrilled by that, the adult in me is still highly suspicious. I know I can't hold him to the same standard of behavior as other men in other lives, but it's hard for me to believe anything a man says anymore. I just take them for half-truths. So while he seems amazingly wonderful, I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Then I made the mistake of letting him kiss me and of course we ended up at his place having crazy and surprisingly combative sex, but I felt good about being able to pick up and leave afterwards without feeling guilty. When I was getting dressed he told me that I probably wouldn't hear from him Tuesday night and I'm thinking, great, here we go.

He says that he has a secret addiction he's been trying to hide from me because he knows how I feel about stuff like this. I'm thinking, just great. What, heroin? Meth? A weekly sewing bee at Jo-Ann? He gets this really sheepish look and says that he absolutely has to watch 'American Idol' and that tomorrow night is the new season premiere.

I think I hurt his feelings because I burst out laughing but it was the last thing I expected from him. It was more surprising than finding out that he watches football. I mean, this is a guy that reads Wittgenstein and writes poetry and he's watching 'American Idol'? He said I was welcome to come over and knit, but I just said that I'd let him enjoy his TV show in peace.

I'm a lot less pleased about the hickeys. I look like I'm wearing some kind of... sex necklace or something. I had to wear a turtleneck to work today. He says I bruise too easily. So I guess we've made up.

Glutton for punishment? So it seems...

Oh girls...I am perhaps a big ridiculous fool, but I sent an email to the little drummer boy, as I'm still completely confused about that situation - I know I didn't really do anything wrong, but he is the first guy I've met online who I was really attracted to - and I want to at least try to understand why this evaporated for no apparent reason...

If I get no response, at least I know I tried everything I could. And yes, I know in my head that if he acted like a big freak the first week, it's not a good sign. But, as in all moments of weakness, I don't have anything else exciting going on at the moment. ;-(

I had a strange phone conversation on Saturday with a Yahoo personals guy who hasn't dated anyone since his girlfriend was killed in 9/11. Ouch. Needless to say, I don't think that's going anywhere - he also is anti-picture (I asked him why he doesn't have pictures posted, and he gave me the "I want someone to get to know me for my personality, etc., etc." crap), and despite his profile saying he's Caucasian, is apparently really Indian. Sigh...

"Oh, but I cancelled it"

What is it with men who don't seem to grasp that you're going to pick up on the fact that they lied sooner or later?  Yes, sometimes it takes a bit, but we're always going to clue in sooner or later.  Sometimes our girlfriends help, but we can usually figure it out ourselves.

If you met someone on Match.com, you can safely assume that even if you told them you cancelled your account, they're going to notice that you left your profile up...and that you updated all your pictures.

To Our Readers

Please feel free to leave us comments, we love reading them, as much as you all love reading ours posts !!!!
Having a voice equals freedom!!!!

Snap.....

Wow, Just when you think your heart can't break anymore, your hear that final "snap" and realized it has officially broken in two. But at least now it is numb.... it is done. My heart is no longer his to break. But damn, job well done.

I keep thinking of two song lyrics, one by OAR " How many times can I break til I shatter", and the Goo Goo Dolls " Scars are souviners you never lose"

B.E.G. and I really did the "math" tonight. We realized that the weekend he "accidentally got engaged to his ex gf" He slept with me on Sat., her on Sunday, and the ex on Tues.................
busy MF wasn't he !!!!!!

But the friendship B.E.G. and I got out of this nightmare is truely the blessing you should always hope for.

Text Sex

I love text sex, it is fun and makes me giggle......
I also TOTALLY love boys who kiss you on the cheek when they say hello and goodbye.
the host of my friend's bday party last night is quite a cupcake and he does that . It rocks
Now I have to go to work and I have cramps and THAT sucks !!!!
More later

I will be back

I am so behind in my blogs, but all good stuff,will try to catch it up this weekend !!!!
WMJ

No longer amusing, mostly contemptible

Married Guy at work grosses me out. On the one hand he's giving me the typical line that his wife isn't coming down here to live, etc., and that it's better this way. So once he's tired of flirting with me and leaves, I go snooping.

From all I can judge from a handful of emails, his wife certainly doesn't seem to think the marriage is in trouble. Full of "love you"s and "miss you"s and at the same time he's getting the same kinds of messages from his girlfriend.

He saw me waiting for the elevator and actually caught me by the elbow just to say hello. Oh, hell no, Mr VP. Don't invade my personal space. Don't you dare. I just looked at his hand and didn't say anything until he let go. Now that I know what to look for, this guy definitely likes the challenge, the stalking and the hunt, and most likely gets bored after the kill. Scumbag.

Jackass.

Does a guy like this even realize how many lives this could potentially ruin if it got out? Why don't they care?

Married Men who still don't get it

Apparently Office Married Guy didn't get my comment yesterday, because he IMed me like usual this morning and actually called me sweets when he signed off.

I sense trouble brewing.

The end of my rope...

Finally have some time to catch up on the blog and sit down to relay my latest adventures...

We'll start with the oh-so-exciting Tennessee Todd. Our IM conversations picked back up last week after he sent me a very sweet e-card for Christmas, and I started thinking my initial "boring" verdict was perhaps a bit unfair.

He brought up the idea of meeting in person halfway (Chattanooga), and we decided to throw caution to the wind and do this on Friday. I told him I could book a hotel room using my points, and we agreed to meet for dinner. We discussed the potential awkwardness of sharing the hotel room, but he repeatedly reassured me that he would respect my boundaries (and he didn't seem like a serial killer -but I guess they never do!).

I arrived first, and was waiting in the hotel bar when he arrived. As happens to me 99% of the times I meet an online date, I was a tad disappointed when he walked in. He looked like his pictures, except slightly worse and older - does this happen to other people too? Anyway, the teeth were ok but not great (lessons learned from my fellow bloggers on this one!) and he had a slightly gay voice (not a turn-on!). Sigh.

I took a deep breath and tried to make the best of it - he told me I looked "pretty awesome" and didn't seem disappointed in my looks, but who knows. We headed out for dinner (a carefully chosen moderately-priced brewhouse), which went pretty well except I had to carry most of the conversation and I was acutely aware of the price of everything I ordered (a side salad!?!? a second glass of wine!?!? how DARE I??). Guys, if you can't relax and enjoy a decent meal with a girl without tensing up when the bill comes, guess what? You can't afford to date! Or at least to date me.

The last thing I am is a gold-digger, but cheapness is one of my biggest pet peeves. I'd rather just pay for my own meal and be able to order whatever the hell I want!

In addition, the dinner conversation confirmed my original verdict. B-O-R-I-N-G! This is a man who went to Costco on New Year's Eve. Nice, but really nothing to contribute.

Anyway...after dinner (about 11pm) there was no talk of doing anything else and we went back to the hotel. Can you say awkward? (I realize I have no one to blame but myself for the hotel room situation). We sat on the bed and watched TV, and he made a few small gestures of affection. We then both put on pajamas (in the bathroom) and got in bed. There was a little bit of kissing (he was better with the lights off!) but no big moves were attempted, thank GOD.

In the morning, I was up, showered, and ready to go before he even got out of bed. Hopefully it was pretty clear that we were not a match.

As discouraging as this was, I have to say I am glad we met - otherwise I could have wasted another month or two talking to him and building up for an even bigger disappointment!

And so...onto the little drummer boy.

We met the Saturday after Christmas for drinks, and I was SO excited because a) he is adorable b) we got along great, and c) there was INSTANT uber-chemistry! He repeatedly said he thought I was very pretty and sexy and he was not the least bit disappointed.

We had a great time talking and when he walked me home we kissed for a few minutes (which was awesome), said our goodbyes, and agreed to talk soon. I was on cloud nine - until I started getting weird text messages from him.

This started when I got upstairs and was getting ready for bed -

Him - Or not
Me - ?
Him - I just said I had a good time
Me - Me too - and I enjoyed kissing you! : )
Him - Alrighty then
Him - Well, you could have introduced me to your cats
Him - So..yeah. Good Luck.
Me - I think it's nice that we behaved ourselves on our first date! Can't promise I will always be so good!
Him - Sure
Me - I am serious. Hope you get home safe and hope to talk to you soon!
Him - Thank you. That will be up to you.
Me - Did I do something wrong?
Him - No, just let me know I'll see you next month
Me - I'd like to see you this weekend if you're around

Continued the next day (Sunday) -

Him - I'm game for hanging again if you'd like
Me - Would like that very much - can I call you later?
Him - Yeah, I'm headed to my grandmother's for dinner

Next day (Monday) -

He calls around 1:30pm, but I don't answer as I'm in the car with my mother.
He leaves no message.

I text that night and say "Saw you called earlier - I'm finishing dinner with my parents, will try you on my way home". I leave a voicemail and hear nothing back.

New Year's Eve (Wed.) -

Me - Just wanted to wish you an early happy new year! Hope you have fun tonight and we can chat soon. : )
Him - Yeah, me too - have fun tonight?
Me - Thanks, I'll try - save me a new year's kiss?
Him - Sure - I called like 3 days ago

(Huh????)

Me - I left you a voicemail Monday night - did you get it?
No response.
Me - I will be around tomorrow and the weekend - would love to see you.
No response.

In a last ditch effort, I left him a voicemail on Sat. afternoon saying that if he's not interested I will leave him alone, but I had a great time with him last weekend and would love to see him again.

I am utterly baffled. Is he bi-polar? Did I do something wrong?

Sometimes I just want to give up on the whole thing. : (

OMFG

Some guy just sent me this on MySpace - which says quite plainly in my profile that it ISN'T there for me to get hit on. So this whole impassioned soliloquy is doubly stupid because he obviously can't read.

****************************************************

No you don't know me, and I'm hoping i can draw a distinct line between maintaining class but at the same time not coming across like the other creeps on here. In order to do this, I realize I have to write something unique, but to make it even easier just be honest. I really have nothing to lose so sometimes I figure it is a good thing to put yourself out on a limb. I'm hoping to God it doesn't snap lol. Life seems really complex sometimes but we overestimate the fact that if we really want something all we need to do is really ask but ask in a humble way. There are so many people out there that are really just afraid to ask so they never get what it is they are seeking. Am I a people person? Absolutely I love helping people work out problems and have always considered myself to be blessed, considering all the gifts I have recieved. I didn't get to this mindset or develop my personality living a peachy sheltered life either (though I was brought up in a very good family). I have learned that life is so short and doing the right things always left a lasting high more than anything tangible. No drug nor drink could ever bring me to the high I feel when I connect with someone and truly listen. Not to say I never got crunk and didnt ball out of control, but I had to leave that life behind to work my way to the top. Fun memories and the building of ones character is what I got from living that club life. God shined his light in the early grey of a hangover. I did this over and over expected different results. If you are into that I don't knock it, I just live my life for tomorrow as opposed to always being in the moment and concerned about feeling good. Life is a fight and the strong push through discomfort. If it wasn't rainy and cold some days would we really appreciate the feeling of the beach on a sunny day? I just moved to Atlanta from FL where I took part in the family business. Aside from getting my ass handed to me on a daily basis, I did a little growing and went through some of the hardest times of my life trying to live up to that expectation that I was somehow supposed to be the best at everything I did because of who I was. I decided to move back to civilization after a three year term at my grandfathers company and still have great ties to the company but needed a change in scenery. Something about the change of leaves and it not always being 60 degrees is really refreshing. Something just told me to come back to Atlanta, so I did and now you find this peculiar message in your inbox :> Life is random or so we think it is until we find greater purpose and meaning in the things that are for the most part overlooked on a daily basis. It has always been said that God is in the details. When I got sober I started seeing life through a much clearer lens and realized that my purpose being here goes further than just making money and amassing material possessions. It goes further than finding someone that I can take care of and that can love me just as I love them. Of course these are great things to live for, something I think we all want but the rabbit hole can go as deep as we look. No rabbit hole is not synonymous with Myspace but then again why not? I have been single for some time, not because I smell bad or have bad teeth (haha) but am looking to make a connection with someone that is caring, someone that knows what they want in life (for the most part) and someone that is open to having a relationship with a man that can be the ruler of men but at the same time love to cuddle on a rainy night and watch a movie. I am definitely an alpha male but dont live up to many shallow stereotypes of that label. I would love to think I have a little more substance than most because I have been through so much in my life and have become very strong through these hardships. Obviously I do not put any expectations on anything because that is one way to set yourself up for disappointment, but hey this is life and its full of it. The advantage is having a very good bullshit filter, so you don't have to spend your time sifting through weak links. I not only can be someone that is intimate and sweet, but a pillar of strength and hope when hard times or difficult situations come. I am not cocky or arrogant though people that don't know me might get that impression. Confidence is a positive thing and thats something that I am because I know what I bring to the table. I am not an angel but I work in the light as opposed to the other side. Here's the part where instinct really just plays a role. I myself am a very good judge of character even with a 5 minute phone call. I have so many things I am trying to change so I doubt I am, but I strive to wake up a better man with each passing day and I will say that I am very different than any other 24 year old male you might know. Despite coming across like a goody good, i will regretfully inform you that I was a bad ass at one time in my life but had to grow out of that thinking that I was somehow better and unique. Life is very funny in a way that you will go many different directions, some shortcuts, and others turn out to lead you in the complete opposite direction of where you are trying to go. The important thing is that you are thankful for every moment and just dont make the same mistakes 55 times. All in all I would not be the person today if i had not made so many mistakes but have come out with more gifts . To whom much is given, much is expected. It is a matter of acknowledging that we are blessed and have much to offer; then the next step is to give it away. I am not giving myself away, but i am writing you to put myself in a position to make you laugh with my jokes and funny ass sense of humor. I might come across like a goody good, please do not let this be the case because it definitally isn't. I possess balance like any good man should. Anyways, this is not a scam nor a mass email, I wrote this with the intention of you writing back. No i am not desperate to meet someone, but I figured it wouldnt hurt to get to know someone special. I hope you can take this into account when you read this and think it is too good to be true or you might just think i'm an idiot lol. Nevertheless you decide and hit me back!

Married Men who don't get it

I seem to have a flashing "Married Men Please Hit On Me" sign on my forehead - or more appropriately, on my breasts, since that's what they seem to notice first.

There is one in my office who has been particularly persistent, and what could be deemed "inappropriate" in HR speak, if I cared about any of that, but since I'm a grownup I'm not running to HR about it. Instead, today, he stops by for his usual flirt-fest and I ask him how his holiday went and when he's moving his family down and he says they're not moving down with him. I feign shock and sympathy and shake my head.

*cue opening for either party to establish mutual interest*

So I mention that's a shame and ask if it's a good thing or a bad thing? It's a good thing, and of course I frown sympathetically and mention that it's a sad thing to think about over the holiday. He of course behaves as though it isn't a big deal (and considering he already has one girlfriend, it must not be) and that's when I make the not-so-subtle statement that men are on the whole easy to understand and their motivations are easy to figure out and that things will always work themselves out for the best, even in situations that seem complicated.

He gave me a strange look for a minute and I just gazed back serenely and I think he finally got the hint, because he said he was glad to be back and immediately left.

Cross your fingers that he's taken my point.

"Hookups"

Attention men over 40. If I am looking to "have some fun" or a random hookup. It ain't gonna be with you !!!! It is going to be with one of the smoking hot 24 yr olds who have been writing lately............. that can actually keep up with me !!!!
There, now I have vented !!!!!

Dating and the other Ex, the Snoop Session

So, as I'm getting ready to go meet Doodlepants for NYE, I get a text message from the ex-husband. It's a pitiful attempt at making me feel guilty by hoping that "you two have fun tonight" and to be safe and how he's not going out because he has to work NYD and he didn't have any invitations anywhere anyway. It rapidly spiralled downward from there when I told him politely to get over himself and get a life and stop trying to make me feel sorry for him. He's not my responsibility anymore and hasn't been for three years. Why is he still trying to guilt-trip me? Why is he conveniently overlooking the fact that he's steadfastly resisted getting his own life and instead focused on making me having a life seem bad? Most people would say that I should be more sympathetic and that he's just feeling lonely and I should have been nice but you'd have to know the whole backstory to appreciate the fact that he pulled this stunt as I was heading out the door on a date. Oy. Get over it, get over me, MOVE ON, please.

So, in light of Doodlepants's revelation that his ex had made contact with him, I decided it was time to see for myself if there were any skeletons - figurative or literal - in his closets. I've never been a snooper (maybe if I had I wouldn't have been with Married Guy for so long) but this time I decided that all's fair. Men can obviously lie and sneak with no guilt, so why should I feel bad about digging for some dirt? I made a thorough search of every drawer, nook and cranny upstairs while he cooked, and then the next morning I scoured the downstairs while he showered. I didn't find anything untoward; no heads in the closet, no gimp masks, and no plushy costumes, thank goodness. As far as his ex, I found some pictures, but they were mixed in with a bunch of others, so I felt that was reasonable, she was a part of his life, after all. In one of the garbage cans I did find what was apparently the card she'd left him and a bunch of junk, which could have been the things she left. I didn't read the card, because the idea made me feel even more squeamish on top of the snooping, but I wonder now if I should have.

So far it appears he's being honest, so I will continue to give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, he didn't have to tell me that she showed up, so we'll see if that honesty continues.

insomnia again

I must go to sleep, I am tired but cannot wind down. I have decided my Chiropractor "friend" is really just an idiot, and a giant pain in the ass !!!! Sex was good, but not all the drama that comes with him.
I just want to meet someone and be smitten again. And this time it would be nice if they were also smitten ( and faithful) back !!!!
W-

I am addicted to Flair

If you are on facebook, you know what flair is.

These are some of my current favs

This made me giggle