Playing chicken

I'm learning to be assertive, which is interesting since normally I will just sit back and shrug and go with the flow just to keep the peace. But this time around I decided that it wasn't going to go like that. So I've been speaking up when something happens that I don't like, or that I think is off, or that I'm not happy about. I've been calling his bluff the way he called mine in the beginning.

It feels really good.

The Captain (formerly known as Doodlepants) has learned that if he expects something of me, he'd best be prepared to play by his own rules, because I'm keeping track. He didn't like that at first, but to his credit he admitted that I was right and he was being a dork. So there is progress.

"The Captain" comes from me jokingly saying "aye-aye, Cap'n" whenever he tries to be butch and make a decision or declaration about something. It's suitably dorky.

Is it ever OK for the ex-wife to stay over at your SO's house?

Well BH (brown hipster)'s ex-wife is bringing his daughter up for a visit this weekend. BH asked if I'd mind if his ex-wife stayed at his house for the weekend because she didn't have a place to stay and didn't have transportation back out of town until Sunday. He then said, "If you want to postpone meeting my daughter while (ex-wife) is here, I'll totally understand."

Hmmm. I understand being a accomodating, but am I a total beyotch for not being ok with ex-wife spending Friday and Saturday night at his house? Why does the fact that they have a child together make it ok? He wouldn't be cool with my ex-husband spending the weekend at my house; and I'd never ask.

I want to be ok with this. Maybe I'm not as "cool" as I thought. Thoughts?

Craptastic all around...

In the spirit of bad Valentine's Days...I had a unique experience last week.

Remember the little drummer boy? Who stood me up last Saturday night after asking me out for drinks ("definitely!" on Saturday)? After a glass or two of wine on Thursday night, I sent him a text as follows:

"So, did something happen to you on Saturday or should I just assume you went out of your way to get in touch with me only to stand me up and hurt me?"

Of course I did not expect any response, but thought if it makes him feel like crap to read that (even for 10 seconds) it's worth it.

Then Friday afternoon he responded - yes, ladies, that's right - he actually responded! His response was:

"I'm sorry I didn't do it to hurt you. I had a great time with you, but after much thought I felt you talked ALOT about your exes and it seemed like the money thing is a really big deal to you. You're a great girl and I'm sorry I wasted your time but I think you'd be better for someone else"

I was dumbfounded. In retrospect, this is not that bad, but at the time I took it very hard, and was very upset.

Luckily I've now moved into the anger phase - first of all, he has every right to his own opinion and to not be interested, but that does NOT excuse his very rude and flaky behavior. Second, I was not talking about my "exes" - girls, I think this is an easy trap to fall into - it all starts with "so, how has your experience been with online dating?" and of course the natural tendency is to tell your bad first date stories. He was laughing along with them at the time, but now here it is thrown back in my face. Third, HE is the one who brought up money first, saying he didn't think he "met my requirements" according to my profile and telling me how much he makes during our first phone conversation. I agree we probably got too much into it for a first date, but his memory is very selective.

And nice that it took him a month and a half (and asking me out on another date) for him to realize just how offensive I was on our first date. So a big effing WHATEVER to you, little drummer boy - good luck to you....

In other news, it's been a long (and inevitable) time coming, but I have finally had to accept the fact that it's over between me and my original Chicago boy (who is still in his crappy marriage despite telling me he was in the process of ending it a year ago). This is for the best, of course, but it still hurts a lot.

Trying to hold it together.....

Happy Valentine's Day

Hope it was a better one for everyone else.

Latino Jew

well, he was actually pretty darn cute and has a great voice. We went to the Vortex and then Starbucks. Not knocked off my feet, but would totally see him again. I asked him if he wanted to hang out with me again and he said yes, so we shall see......
In honor of V Day, I would just like to say I hope Formerlly Know As slips and falls on the ice in Chicago and cracks his tailbone. I don't want him actually really hurt, just very uncomfortable for awhile. And as much as I Dislike HER, I can't blame her for his BS, so I can't really wish bad things on her.
I actually almost pulled out the voodoo doll my sisters bought me for Christmas. But hey, the day ain't over yet and after a few beers at hockey tonight I might just do it
WMJ

The first big argument

And what is it about?

My ex-husband.

I understand that all men, at some stage of a relationship, will become possessive, or protective, or whatever polite euphemism you want to use for when they start looking at you and picturing you with "MINE" emblazoned across you like a pageant sash.  I understand that men are territorial, which they usually start exhibiting when you're in a room full of people and they find it necessary to touch you in an innocent yet familiar way that will broadcast their ownership of you.  It's humorous, and juvenile, and sometimes exciting in a primitive hormonal kind of way.  But what point is there in being jealous or annoyed by something that is a Past Object?

I knew he was in a mood when I got there, even though he said nothing was wrong, and only after I mentioned the dynamics of being a "we" did he suddenly ask when the past was going to stay the past and when was I going to get rid of the negativity in my life that is my ex-husband?  I didn't even understand him at first, but he said that there is no reason the ex-husband should even be around, especially when the friendship is only one sided, there are no kids or anything shared that we need to communicate about, and the ex-husband is obviously not keen on letting go of me, and he's still a big negative presence in my life even after 3 years.   

I took exception to this, mostly because he was right to some degree, but I also felt that it was damned presumptive on his part to lecture me about it.  I'm allergic to possessiveness.  Possessiveness vexes me and my first instinct is to say "screw it" and walk out the door.  He's not the boss of me!  But then I stopped and thought about it and tried to understand why he felt that he could say that to me, why he felt it was necessary, and why he would be threatened in any way by my EX-husband.  There's a reason I'm Clueless, because I'm oblivious for the most part to the way things really appear.  So is it really that much of a problem?  I can't neatly excise ten years out of my life, no matter how much he'd like me to.  The strangest part was that I have actually started making a concerted effort to have the ex-husband grasp reality and get completely detached.

We went back and forth for a couple of hours and finally just went to bed and passed out because there was not going to be a satisfactory conclusion drawn from the "discussion".  We made a deal this morning over breakfast that tonight we won't fight and there will be no yelling and it will be Valentine's Day.  But it's still lurking, I can see the wheels turning in his head.  I haven't heard the last of it.

yowza !!!!!

ok, my friend from High School just told me on Facebook, that he has a 12 inch penis !!!!!!! Ok people that is a f-ing RULER !!!!!
Now one of my gay boyfriends and I were at dinner last night and I have seen his, and it is BIG. So i look over at him and say so **** how big is your penis exactly? Numberwise. ( His boyfriend shot beer out his nose as I said this)
well he told me his was 9-1/2
So CBC- As I well know your ex hubby was very blessed- what was he measuring?????

One again----- A RULER !!!!! That does not sound like fun at all to me !!!!!

And did I mention when I was in the "adult novelty store" the other day the sales clerk showed me a porn box with an 85 yr old woman with a WALKER !!!! WTF

i'm outta here

newbie

So I have a first meeting/ date with the latino jew tonight. We are going to meet at the Vortex. Will update later.......

Had an offer of a playdate from Chiropractor for this evening too, would have taken him up on that if I didn't already have plans......

Maybe late tomorrow night or Sunday night

How men think....

My insane (and just generally odd) male roommate told me today that he plans on going out to the nightclub on Saturday night. His theory is that if a woman is out, alone, wanting to be "picked up" on Valentine's Day night, she is probably not married AND desperate enough to sleep with him on the first date.

This, my friends, is how idiotic men think. Beware this weekend. Beware.

wow

to sum it all up.
Formerly Know As will be spending the valentines day weekend in Chicago with the ex ( the one he proposed to "accidentally" while dating me......)
Know what I got from him for VDay last year............NADDA
And when asked point blank if he was getting back with her, I was told " I can't make any promises that I won't"

So ladies just so you know, to keep a man you must
1- have a lazy eye
2- break into his house by crawling through the dog door and stealing your engagement ring, so that your man has to call the police and get a restraining order against you.
3- Physically abuse him and generally treat him like shit......
4- Be a general bitch !!!!

Keep in mind, I have never met her, but i do know that all of his friends, his bf's gf and his ex wife all HATE this girl....................and they HAVE spent time with her
WMJ

Stupid, but for a giggle.....

1) Did you fart?
cuz you just blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded?
cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea .
I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card?
cuz I'd like to sign you out

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?
cuz I can see myself in em.

6) If you was a tree & I was a Squirrel ,
I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

7) You might not be the best lookin girl here,
but beauty's only a light switch away..

8) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone,
but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

9) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

10) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin,
we kin sleep til afternoon.

AND.. the best for last!

11) Yer face reminds me of a wrench,
every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up

UGH !!!!

I am having a very difficult day, and I am sure most of you know who it involves. But before you give me hell and beat me up about it, Please know that isn't really what from you right this second.
Every now and then it really fucks me up HARD
WMJ

hmmmmm should I????

So this cute little teacher, who also plays bass, that I met on Myspace a few months ago wants to "hang out tonight" aka means make out, I am sure..... hmmm is it a good idea? He is pretty cute, but wants nothing serious !!!! could be anice way to pass the time.
BEG and SIC have both met him and can vouch for his cuteness !!!!

"Awesome Guy"

So BEG's crazy awesome guy writes me, "he enjoyed reading my profile" really, if you had actually read it, you would have gotten to the part that says, "if you wrote her, don't write me" AND there is a picture of us together on my profile......
Below is our exchange.
I checked my mail earlier on POF, all my replies were read and deleted hahahah





HIM-Hello,I happen to enjoy reading your profile and I am interested in getting to know you......Interested? Stephen:)

ME-ummmmm did you happen to notice ******** is one of my best friends

HIM- No I did not notice that? Im not dating her or have I even met her? Sorry....... Does she even like me?

ME-well you had dinner at her house

HIM-She has not spoken to me for a bit? What did she tell you about me may I ask?

ME-so I guess she rings a bell now in your memory suddenly?Why on earth would I tell you any of our conversations? I don't know you.

HIM-I do remember now. She just disappeared. I dont think she was ready to date anyone right now. She has a lot going on that she needed to get situated. Good luck!


then he sent these two totally randomly???? WTF hello CRAZY?????

I still think that you are really cute...........

Howdy........

After that entire exchange you send me "howdy" in a totally new email? It was not part of the thread?????

Unbelievable

I am floored.  The Married Guy at Work (henceforth known as TMGAW) certainly gathers no moss.  I've been keeping tabs on his behavior out of sheer curiosity.  He apparently got that I'm not interested (maybe it was the 80 billion pictures of Doodlepants in my cube? [okay, so it's two]) and so within two months he is now dating and "serious" with one of the women who reports to him.  He got an email from her mother on Friday thanking him for making her so happy!  

This guy is still married and still has girlfriend # 1!  He just saw G#1  this past week!  So now he's got another one here?  Where do these guys get the energy?

Personally, I'd never be able to keep everyone straight.

Drummers, indeed...

So...last Wednesday, the little drummer boy (cute 29-year-old I went out with right after Christmas - great date, followed by his inexplicable freakout) crawled out of the woodwork and texted me to say hi and ask me out for a drink. He apologized for taking so long to get back to me, and I figured it was worth hearing him out at least for the sake of closure. We agreed on Saturday (he said "Definately!") for drinks. Saturday rolled around, and guess what? Nothing all day long. Not a text, not a call since then. Unbelievable! Why did he BOTHER reconnecting with me, only to stand me up? Yes, I know he's just not that into me, but I will never understand men or their "logic" - this is not something I would ever even consider doing to someone.

In other news, a 2nd trainer / massage therapist has been emailing me wanting to talk, but only at around 1am. Nice, huh? I am about ready to change my headline to "If you're just looking for someone to j*ck you off, please do not apply!"

Drummers, cont....

I forgot two in my list of drummers blog. One of my best friends since high school Chuck , is/was a drummer. And my ex Sreve who was in a "glam rock" band. A Drummer "using ther term loosely" who I convinced to shave his head hahaha.
Like I said, I have a pattern.
I have a feeling there will be a comment on this by gf who was Steve's roomate for a few years hahaha.
I am sporting my sassy new Rick Springfield tshirt and feelign very sassy
and FYI- VALENTINES DAY SUCKS !!!!! Wheeee

So as an early bday gift( Iwill be 41 in a few weeks) SIC bought tickets for us to go to Rick Springfield, who we both love.!!!!!
Someone please tell me how he can look so f-ing good in his 50s!!!! He was so cute in a wife beater, tight jeans, converse, and black nail polish. And Even Shaved his arm pits, which I love !!!! Looked totally cool, but not like he is trying too hard. He is in amazing shape, totally cut arms !!!! cute buns, flat tummy !!!!
So once again, where are all the 50 yr old men who look like him and Nikki Sixx, Nikki turns 51 this year I think !!!!!
WMJ

It's simple, really.

You love me? Then have the patience to understand that I have to get used to the idea.

More on the wonky-eyed outbreak...

I'm posting this on behalf of my friend in Chicago who had this to say about a potential wonky-eyed suitor on eHarmony:

According to his must-haves/can't-stands, Wonk-man can't tolerate depression and a victim mentality. Wow, we're perfect for each other! He also needs his partner to be "passionate" and open s*xually. Yeah, and what's your role in creating passion? To sit back with the wonk eye and judge people who get depressed? I'm getting turned on as we speak!

Road Trip, Parents, Dogs, Superbowl

Doodlepants insisted that I still go out of town with him this past weekend to get away from all my stress and the disaster wreck of a house.  So I finally caved and we went.

I ended up having an amazing time.  According to Mother Doodlepants, God has chosen me for her son.  Okay, that was an interesting go round but she's pretty weird anyway.  When it comes to Dad Doodlepants, I'm the bomb because I'm a geek and I can help with his gadgetry, since Doodlepants wouldn't know an audio jack from dental floss.

I felt very comfortable, and very at home, and it was definitely the relaxation I need.  They have two really cute Shih-tzus, Tony and Carmella. Carmella is just a baby and looks like a Muppet.  

So all in all, it went well.  We did well in the car together (since reading or knitting makes me carsick, I drove, and he read to me) and talked about any number of things, and that was tolerable.  Aside from some squabbling with him about eating and about letting him do things for me, the whole weekend went well.  Dad Doodlepants bought the UFC fight for me Saturday night and the two men watched the Superbowl on Sunday while Mother Doodlepants and I sat on the patio drinking margaritas and her giving me the third degree.  Somehow I ended up agreeing to knit her a hat in magenta.  I don't think I am physically capable of buying magenta yarn.

The surprise came after we got home.  I asked him the standard Neurotic Female question:  Did your parents really like me, or did they just put up with me for your sake?  He writes me back a while later telling me that yes, they adored me and how everything is wonderful and...

He loves me.

WTF?

B.E.G. - what am I doing wrong??? While you are getting it on with Irish guy, my own adventures are pretty grim...

First, things got U-G-L-Y with the trainer last night! He had sent me a couple of very nice texts during the day and apologized for his "fiesty" behavior, so I mistakenly thought he might have potential as an in-town sort-of-friend-with-benefits. And let me also say that I NEVER even considered sending him the requested naked pictures - so no worries on that.

So...after I left work, I went to the mall and to dinner - and we were texting on and off the whole time. It did get a little frisky, which I was ok with, but then he started up again about sending him pictures. He said it was partly to see how "playful" I could be. I told him that just because I don't want to send pictures to someone I don't know over the phone, that doesn't mean I don't want to have fun. I also told him he should be more up front if he's only interested in s*x, as it was not apparent to me from his profile or initial email.

The conversation continued pleasantly enough, and once back in my hotel room I did consent to send him one picture - but with clothes - essentially it was just a cleavage shot. I sent it, but I guess it didn't go through right away. So this a-hole actually got MAD at me! I told him it's a new phone, maybe didn't work right, I'd figure it out, and told him not to be an ass about it. Then when the picture finally went through, he texts me "nice picture with your clothes on..lol..like that's supposed to turn me on!" What a CREEP! My response was "Just F-off and find someone else to bother!" And his was "no problem..later".

Unbelievable!!! I am almost tempted to have one of you check out his profile on Yahoo and screw with his head a little - but that wouldn't be very mature, now, would it? ;-)

And in conclusion...

Today I get a very nice, long email from this guy Mitchell on Yahoo. He was very sweet and yet lives in North Carolina and was wearing a t-shirt in his profile picture that says "I fart in your general direction". WTF???

P.S. Has anyone (besides me) had it with men who write / text "lol" after every other word???

Demented and sad...but social(?)

I haven't had much to blog about lately, but yesterday I experienced a whole new surge of disgust toward the online dating scene. Let me walk you through it...

Yesterday morning I got a very nice email from a man we'll call the trainer (because he is one! very creative, I know). He was cute, 39, never married, no kids, had a very nice profile all about him and his big family, how he is open / honest / not into games, not looking for Barbie (despite being a personal trainer) - basically everything you'd want to hear from a potential suitor. His email was totally normal and nice, said I looked very attractive in my pics, he'd love to chat sometime, etc. Even gave his number and full name in the email.

I was kind of excited about it (as I told WMJ at lunch), thinking "Wow, I held out long enough to actually meet a normal, acceptable person on here!" I wrote him back last night, careful to make a very good first impression, and gave him my cell number (which about a 1000 people at work have, so not a big deal to give out).

Literally a minute later, he texts me - says hi and that he sent me some pics (I'm thinking ??? there are already pics of him on his profile). He also wrote "I have to say I am fiesty - hope you're ok with that - I am not shy". Hmmm.....

This is the point at which I thought - will he be the THIRD man to send me unsolicited naked photos of himself? Girls, for those of you who aren't up on the lingo, "fiesty" and "not shy" apparently = horny and ready to exchange naked photos with strangers. He actually expected me, based on this brief interaction, to take "s*xy" pictures of myself and send them to him last night.

The conversation continued:

Trainer - "You know what I mean by fiesty, right? I am extremely s*xual and I like to play"
Me - "Is that all you're looking for?" (clearly it is!)
Trainer - "Not all but it's extremely important to me"
Me - "I agree that s*x is very important, but I am looking for someone who wants to get to know me / date as well"
Trainer - "Oh. I was hoping for a few s*xy pics. Well, that sucks. I had a few to send you - I guess I am just fiesty tonight. Sorry"

Can you hear my sigh all the way in Atlanta?

As I am typing this, he just sent me a text saying hi and he hopes I'm having a good day.

It's not as though I'm against having a few on the back burner for just such purposes (in fact, I'm in favor of it!), but it is disappointing when it's not immediately clear that's all they are looking for.

BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

1- I am still sick, I feel like Hell
2-Men are STUPID
3-I am sad and broken hearted about the wild kitty BEG and I tried to save out of a parking lot tonight. DAMN IT Why I can't I save them ALL.
4-Men are STUPID
5- I am on a funk
I am taking my nyquil and my tissue and going to bed

GO STEELERS