Men and their mothers

I went and put my foot in it today.  Doodlepants came and picked me up and took me out today because he missed me and he said I needed to get out of the house.  We went down to the Righteous Room and then to a bookstore and had a good time.  While we were at lunch we were talking about marriages and relationships.  He mentioned that he told his mother that my specialty is chicken and dumplings and how I had made a crack about how the "menfolk shouldn't be cleaning the kitchen" after dinner.  Apparently she got a huge kick out of that and likes me even more now.  She and my mom are cut from the same cloth, since my mom is also very big on traditional gender roles.  At family gatherings, the menfolk don't fix their own plates, the whole nine yards.  They eat and then fall asleep in front of the TV while the hens cackle and clean the kitchen.

I asked him how he felt about it, since apparently his last SO was a rabid feminist who felt that she didn't have to do the cooking and cleaning because he could.  I said that I'd never had it traditional, since I'd always been the main breadwinner.  During my marriage I worked the 80 hour weeks and paid all the bills,  and the husband was pretty useless so I hired a housekeeper, so I had no experience being the "little woman".  I said I didn't think I'd mind the traditional if I wasn't the one responsible for the bills, but I'd been responsible for so long that I didn't know if I could give it up.  I asked him what he thought about it, how he felt it should work.  He comes back with "I'd much rather you stay home and not work, especially if we ever have kids."

You could have heard a pin drop.  I think my chin literally hit my chest.  I just sat there and stared at him, and then I think he realized what he said, because he blushed bright red and suddenly got very interested in his food.

I didn't try to change the subject but I seriously didn't know what to say.  We both just concentrated on our food.  Eventually he mentioned that his parents got another dog and we went happily onto that subject.

I've discovered that men whose mothers didn't work are much more inclined to have their wives not work than men whose mothers did work.  I guess it's just the example of what you grew up with, really, that you're comfortable with or learned was the "right" way to do things.

I really think I'm too old and set in my ways to give up my autonomy like that.