Rings & Things

So, the Captain proposed to me on his birthday, October the 1st, and I said yes. When I asked why he chose his birthday, he said that it would be the best birthday present he could ever hope for.

No details, no date set yet, but May 1st is being tossed around.

Hard to believe it's been ten months (funny how I didn't realize that but my ex-husband knew it down to the day) and I've agreed to marry a guy I still only see 2 or 3 times a week.

Hard to believe that he lived less than 5 miles from me for over a year and I had to meet him on the Interweb.

The hardest part is going to be letting him be the man. That's going to be a big adjustment, I've gotten very used to taking care of everything and giving up total control will be very hard. I don't have a lot of practice making joint decisions and letting someone else help.

Onwards and upwards...

The Impromptu Guide for Filtering Online Dating Candidates

Sure, it's picky, sure you might skip a few guys over because of it, but it's what found me Doodlepants.

1) If you email me, you'd better reference something in my profile and know something about it or know what my username meant.

2) No extensive travel for "work".

3) If you were successful in referring to my profile info and I email you back, your reply doesn't use the word "sexy" or even mention going out yet.

4) In fact, you don't even mention going out or give me your private email or phone number until your third email.

5) Don't offer to send me "private" pictures.

6) You meaning the dating woman = Flat out mention something that is one of the most important things in your life - the thing that matters most to you, barring everything else, like if you were on a deserted island you'd be fine if you had X or could do Y.  If he isn't as positive as you are about it, even remotely, no-go.

(Yes, that's very personal, but it gets right to the heart of the matter, doesn't it?  Like, I could live [if pressed] without knitting, but I couldn't live without books.  Granted, it's not like my family doesn't matter, but I also know myself enough to know that I can live without people.  You're addressing fundamental beliefs and character here.  If he says he couldn't live without his Slayer albums or his Satanic bible, bye-bye.)

7) He answers the same  passion/important thing question.  If you aren't *totally* enthusiastic about it, no-go.

8) If he doesn't get along with his family, no-go.

9) If he doesn't mention his salary, no-go.

10) If he doesn't mention his religion, no-go.

11) If he doesn't mention his preference on kids, no-go.

12) Falls in the strict age range, period.  And that means, unfortunately, someone within 5 years of your age.  Kids are fun, but kids don't want to settle down and have kids unless they have mommy issues.

I know this seems ridiculous and dumb, but being this picky worked for me.  Yes, I may have passed over guys who were just shy or awkward, but I don't want to deal with shy or awkward.  Been there, done that.  I don't know what freak stroke of luck sent me Doodlepants, but he met all those conditions and more.  No one else did in three months.

Finding a "Keeper"

When I first gave in and finally joined Match, everyone warned me that it was a slow, long process and i'd be going on a lot of first dates. I spent two months writing my profile so that I could be exact and clear about who I am and what I'm looking for - without making me sound incredibly weird or incredibly dull.

And I will admit, I'm weird. I have weird interests and weird tastes and weird hobbies (I like guns and I knit, most of the guys couldn't seem to put them together). I have a strange sense of humor. I'm very independent and strong willed. I made that clear up front. And for the first time in my dating life, I had no expectations. I also had a very clear-cut list of things that were non-negotiable (my therapist made me do it, she said it's a Jewish thing, I have no idea) and how I was going to go about the selection process.

I was extremely selective about who I responded to. The first few days I must have sent 2 dozen "no thanks" responses to winks, and polite "you're not meeting the criteria" emails. If their introductory email didn't make a reference to something out of my profile, it was a no-deal. If they winked, I would read their profile and if there was even a slight hint of "hmm", it was a no-deal.

Out of all the men (and the woman) that contacted me, I only responded to 4 - in person, let me add that. I emailed with several, but it took a lot to get to a phone call. Extremely critical and picky? Yep, that's me. If there was even any hint of something off, like Guy #3's being pushy, and Guy #2's having lived in Alpharetta for 7 years but not knowing where any of the restaurants were, and Guy #4's living in Monroe, they were crossed off the list. I know I probably missed out on some truly nice guys, but I had a very, very specific goal in mind and Doodlepants was nearly perfect.

Doodlepants was the only one I had an instant rapport with, and I think it was because I made fun of him for liking Dostoevsky and we had a debate about the Beat Poets. See what I mean? Not exactly mainstream. With the exception of him watching football and American Idol and me liking guns and MMA, we've pretty much got a lot in common and go about life in much the same way.

Does this all mean that he is a permanent keeper? I don't know. I like him very much and he likes me, but it's still going to take time.

All that aside, I got very, very, very lucky.

OMFG

Some guy just sent me this on MySpace - which says quite plainly in my profile that it ISN'T there for me to get hit on. So this whole impassioned soliloquy is doubly stupid because he obviously can't read.

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No you don't know me, and I'm hoping i can draw a distinct line between maintaining class but at the same time not coming across like the other creeps on here. In order to do this, I realize I have to write something unique, but to make it even easier just be honest. I really have nothing to lose so sometimes I figure it is a good thing to put yourself out on a limb. I'm hoping to God it doesn't snap lol. Life seems really complex sometimes but we overestimate the fact that if we really want something all we need to do is really ask but ask in a humble way. There are so many people out there that are really just afraid to ask so they never get what it is they are seeking. Am I a people person? Absolutely I love helping people work out problems and have always considered myself to be blessed, considering all the gifts I have recieved. I didn't get to this mindset or develop my personality living a peachy sheltered life either (though I was brought up in a very good family). I have learned that life is so short and doing the right things always left a lasting high more than anything tangible. No drug nor drink could ever bring me to the high I feel when I connect with someone and truly listen. Not to say I never got crunk and didnt ball out of control, but I had to leave that life behind to work my way to the top. Fun memories and the building of ones character is what I got from living that club life. God shined his light in the early grey of a hangover. I did this over and over expected different results. If you are into that I don't knock it, I just live my life for tomorrow as opposed to always being in the moment and concerned about feeling good. Life is a fight and the strong push through discomfort. If it wasn't rainy and cold some days would we really appreciate the feeling of the beach on a sunny day? I just moved to Atlanta from FL where I took part in the family business. Aside from getting my ass handed to me on a daily basis, I did a little growing and went through some of the hardest times of my life trying to live up to that expectation that I was somehow supposed to be the best at everything I did because of who I was. I decided to move back to civilization after a three year term at my grandfathers company and still have great ties to the company but needed a change in scenery. Something about the change of leaves and it not always being 60 degrees is really refreshing. Something just told me to come back to Atlanta, so I did and now you find this peculiar message in your inbox :> Life is random or so we think it is until we find greater purpose and meaning in the things that are for the most part overlooked on a daily basis. It has always been said that God is in the details. When I got sober I started seeing life through a much clearer lens and realized that my purpose being here goes further than just making money and amassing material possessions. It goes further than finding someone that I can take care of and that can love me just as I love them. Of course these are great things to live for, something I think we all want but the rabbit hole can go as deep as we look. No rabbit hole is not synonymous with Myspace but then again why not? I have been single for some time, not because I smell bad or have bad teeth (haha) but am looking to make a connection with someone that is caring, someone that knows what they want in life (for the most part) and someone that is open to having a relationship with a man that can be the ruler of men but at the same time love to cuddle on a rainy night and watch a movie. I am definitely an alpha male but dont live up to many shallow stereotypes of that label. I would love to think I have a little more substance than most because I have been through so much in my life and have become very strong through these hardships. Obviously I do not put any expectations on anything because that is one way to set yourself up for disappointment, but hey this is life and its full of it. The advantage is having a very good bullshit filter, so you don't have to spend your time sifting through weak links. I not only can be someone that is intimate and sweet, but a pillar of strength and hope when hard times or difficult situations come. I am not cocky or arrogant though people that don't know me might get that impression. Confidence is a positive thing and thats something that I am because I know what I bring to the table. I am not an angel but I work in the light as opposed to the other side. Here's the part where instinct really just plays a role. I myself am a very good judge of character even with a 5 minute phone call. I have so many things I am trying to change so I doubt I am, but I strive to wake up a better man with each passing day and I will say that I am very different than any other 24 year old male you might know. Despite coming across like a goody good, i will regretfully inform you that I was a bad ass at one time in my life but had to grow out of that thinking that I was somehow better and unique. Life is very funny in a way that you will go many different directions, some shortcuts, and others turn out to lead you in the complete opposite direction of where you are trying to go. The important thing is that you are thankful for every moment and just dont make the same mistakes 55 times. All in all I would not be the person today if i had not made so many mistakes but have come out with more gifts . To whom much is given, much is expected. It is a matter of acknowledging that we are blessed and have much to offer; then the next step is to give it away. I am not giving myself away, but i am writing you to put myself in a position to make you laugh with my jokes and funny ass sense of humor. I might come across like a goody good, please do not let this be the case because it definitally isn't. I possess balance like any good man should. Anyways, this is not a scam nor a mass email, I wrote this with the intention of you writing back. No i am not desperate to meet someone, but I figured it wouldnt hurt to get to know someone special. I hope you can take this into account when you read this and think it is too good to be true or you might just think i'm an idiot lol. Nevertheless you decide and hit me back!

Something to think about with internet dating!!!

So I am talking with one of my girlfriends earlier tonight, I was actually a bridesmaid in her first wedding about 12 yrs ago. She is getting remarried in Jan., Her soon to be hubby was her 13th first dat on Match ( totally gives me hope) and she told me at lunch yesterday, She proposed to HIM!!!! Hell yeah !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She brought up a very valid point, Whenever she was getting ready to meet someone new out, She always knew his first and last name, and ran him on the sex offender list. How smart is THAT !!!!!!

I really think that is something we should all consider ..................................

My public service announcement of the day !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!