My ex-husband.
I understand that all men, at some stage of a relationship, will become possessive, or protective, or whatever polite euphemism you want to use for when they start looking at you and picturing you with "MINE" emblazoned across you like a pageant sash. I understand that men are territorial, which they usually start exhibiting when you're in a room full of people and they find it necessary to touch you in an innocent yet familiar way that will broadcast their ownership of you. It's humorous, and juvenile, and sometimes exciting in a primitive hormonal kind of way. But what point is there in being jealous or annoyed by something that is a Past Object?
I knew he was in a mood when I got there, even though he said nothing was wrong, and only after I mentioned the dynamics of being a "we" did he suddenly ask when the past was going to stay the past and when was I going to get rid of the negativity in my life that is my ex-husband? I didn't even understand him at first, but he said that there is no reason the ex-husband should even be around, especially when the friendship is only one sided, there are no kids or anything shared that we need to communicate about, and the ex-husband is obviously not keen on letting go of me, and he's still a big negative presence in my life even after 3 years.
I took exception to this, mostly because he was right to some degree, but I also felt that it was damned presumptive on his part to lecture me about it. I'm allergic to possessiveness. Possessiveness vexes me and my first instinct is to say "screw it" and walk out the door. He's not the boss of me! But then I stopped and thought about it and tried to understand why he felt that he could say that to me, why he felt it was necessary, and why he would be threatened in any way by my EX-husband. There's a reason I'm Clueless, because I'm oblivious for the most part to the way things really appear. So is it really that much of a problem? I can't neatly excise ten years out of my life, no matter how much he'd like me to. The strangest part was that I have actually started making a concerted effort to have the ex-husband grasp reality and get completely detached.
We went back and forth for a couple of hours and finally just went to bed and passed out because there was not going to be a satisfactory conclusion drawn from the "discussion". We made a deal this morning over breakfast that tonight we won't fight and there will be no yelling and it will be Valentine's Day. But it's still lurking, I can see the wheels turning in his head. I haven't heard the last of it.
4 comments:
it was more than just ten years of your life, he is part of your family to some degree, we all really grew up togethe and are very close with each other. (EVEN oggy Bill hahahah )and I think he is in for a big surprise if he thinks the ex will ever be completely out of your life. You guys share a huge set of friends. There will always be times he is a around.
If you wanted to be with ex, you would. You have chosen to be with Doddlepants, key word being Chosen.
He has very valid points, but he is overreacting. Esp since you guys have only been together a few months.
I think he has more of an issue with the fact that the EH is still hung up on me less than still being in my life. I don't know, like I said, I'm sure it will come back up.
i think once we get EH actually laid, he will be less focused on you, no offense, you know what I mean
I hope like hell that's the case. Please!!
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